Copyright (c) 2008 Dr. Brenda Shoshanna

When “paranoia” or extreme distrust, arises in a relationship there are many factors which can be causing it. It is absolutely necessary to understand where these feelings are coming from, or else it is easy to act out in the relationship, blame the partner, put all kinds of unhealthy demands upon him, and even believe that he is cheating on you when he is not. Not only does this destroy his trust in himself and good feelings about himself, but he can easily grow to feel there is no way he can please you, or make you secure and happy.

When an individual gives into these feelings of paranoia, (or extreme fear, suspiciousness and jealousy,) and begins to create more and more restrictions upon the partner, or demand more and more information about what he is doing, this is often the beginning of the end.

Loving another person does not mean possessing them, or having them there simply to help you feel better about yourself. This does not take their needs into account. It is not loving or respectful of them, of who they are.

In all relationships each individual needs time alone, time with friends and of course time together. When we take away a person’s individuality and freedom to enjoy all aspects of their lives and grow, we are not behaving in a loving way. Sooner or later the individual begins to feel it, and can feel trapped, misunderstood and blamed falsely. Naturally, they then often think of ways of getting out of a relationship such as this.

If one requires that their partner take away the pain they are feeling, they will be disappointed sooner or later. They are looking in the wrong direction. No matter how loving a person is, no matter how solid the relationship, they cannot take away pain and confusion that exists within oneself. We have to take responsibility for our feelings and work them through on our own.

There are many ways to build self esteem and to feel safe once again. These are tools we use day by day to become strong within. Just as we work out in a gym each day, we need to work on ourselves emotionally to build the strength we need to combat fear and negativity. One exercise that can be used is to consciously look for the positive in yourself and your partner. When you find yourself dwelling upon negativities that can or are happening, step back, take a deep breath, and consciously choose to focus upon what is good and right in both him and yourself. We can and must choose health time and time again. Here is an exercise that offers a wonderful way of turning things around.

Relinquishing Blame

Whom or what do you blame for the difficulties you are facing? In what ways do you blame yourself? Make a list.

Now, notice how blaming simply serves as a screen, preventing you from seeking the full picture of what is going on. See how

Give up some blame today. Go to the top of your list and completely let go of blaming that person or circumstance. Breath deeply as you do this. Send the person good wishes. View the situation much as you would view a thunderstorm. Let the storm pass and create an enviornment of kindness and clarity where real communication can take place.

About the Author:

Discover the basic laws of love in Save Your Relationship (21 Basic Laws of Successful Relationships), http://www.truthaboutlove.com . Top psychologist, mediator.founder of Everyone Wins Mediation, has helped thousands.Contact her to e-design your relationship. Free ezine, articles.at http://www.newyorkmediates.com , (212) 288-0028, topspeaker@yahoo.com, http://www.brendashoshanna.com

Article Source: ArticlesBase.com – How to Deal With Jealousy and Distrust in a Relationship

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People who are jealous hearted tend to be very insecure about themselves. You have to start loving yourself for who you are. If you don’t love yourself, you won’t be able to accept love from anyone else.

Rather than hating her for what she has, how about feeling happy for her. Praise her looks, wit, and charm. At the same time, look at your own characteristics, and praise them too. You two are both unique and have something to offer. Don’t sweep yourself under the rug as if you don’t matter, because you do.

The problem with the American culture is that everyone wants to be like everyone else. This is why plastic surgery, bulimia, anorexia, and low self esteem are very high. You have to learn to appreciate your qualities, as well as other people’s qualities.

Try this week to compliment everyone you come in contact with, even people you are jealous of. Then look yourself in the mirror and do the same thing. Ask your closest friends what they like about you. Better yet, have them to write a one page paper about why they like you for their friend. This will take time, but give it a try.

Another tip is to stay away from girlie magazines and television that focus on beauty. Their kind of beauty isn’t realistic.

EDIT: Another thing I want to add is that if you try to change who you are to compete with someone else, you will do this for the rest of your life, and you won’t be happy. You can even transform yourself to Heidi Klum, but you will remain jealous hearted. There is always going to be someone who will look better than the next person. I can think of many women who look better than Heidi Klum, and she is beautiful. And besides, beauty is very diverse to many people. Everyone is beautiful in their own way.

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Overcoming Jealousy $3.00 Finally Overcome Jealousy With This Simple, Yet Powerful GuideIts not terribly difficult to overcome jealousyYou just need to learn how to identify it, and effective tools for dealing with it...But many people just don't know how to start.That's why I've written this book, Overcoming Jealousy. I want everyone to know what I've learned about getting free from jealousy without all the trouble (and p...

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How often has it occurred to you that you felt insecure and some what jealous of someone else? You see when it comes to the matter of women and dating jealousy is a very common thing but it can be destructive since under the influence of jealousy people end up making several deadly mistakes which harm them in the long term. Read on to discover some of the most earth shattering ways to deal with jealousy and achieve astonishing results.

Keep yourself busy- The reason why we mostly get jealous is simply due to the fact that we keep thinking of the thing which gives us negative feelings again and again. Therefore the best way to deal with this is to keep yourself as busy as possible with things which occupy your mind. Try to make yourself get into situations and circumstances where you have very little time to think about anything negative.

Go meet new girls- This is another very effective way to deal with jealousy. You see the feelings of jealousy are triggered when we feel insecure about ourselves thinking we would not find anyone else like this person. And the best way to deal with this would be to go out and meet as many girls as possible. You see the more social you get the more positive you would be.

Don’t fall into the trap- Often girls try to make men jealous just as a trap to test how good they are. You see they do this to get a reaction out of you. This is the reason why you should not react rather show them that you are some what having fun by yourself.

What you don’t know yet- Ever tried to wonder what’s in a woman’s mind? What is she thinking about? Do you know that women do not always mean what they say? They might say something and mean the exact opposite. But what do women actually want? Do you know there are some secrets women don’t want men to know but you absolutely must know these secrets in order to succeed with women? Read on to discover 9 most “Shocking Secrets” women don’t want men to know. This is something you can’t afford to miss at any cost click here- Tell Me The Secrets